Alex Kurtzman and Michael Chabon SUCK! (#NotMyStarfleet)

No, you’re not seeing this wrong. I’m not using my Starfleet avatar anymore when writing about this garbage. In fact, I’m probably not going to be watching Kurtzman produced Trek ever again. It’s sad that it took me a half-dozen watches of Star Toilet Paper episode three to fully grasp exactly what the hell is so wrong with the property of STAR TREK nowadays. The worst of it is, Sherry Redstone, the “great savior” that everyone hoped her arrival would be, had in-fact double-downed on what’s been produced and has done nothing but greenlight more under the Secret Hideout brand. According to rumors, Secret Hideout is hard at work with a few more series, including a Pike series.

Since STD 2, I have been championing for a Pike series set aboard the Enterprise. Indeed, the Enterprise and Captain Pike, Mister Spock and Number One were the best things that ever came out of STD 2. After watching the insane suck that is Star Toilet Paper, I don’t want it anymore.

And it’s only going to get worse.

Episode three, that which shall not be named, did it for me. The various middle fingers high in the sky to the fandom is what has officially made me turn off the computer. I’ll get into all of these things and why.

Let’s deal with the multiple-megaton atom bomb in the room: STARFLEET!

I went into this whole thing about a bastardized Starfleet in a previous piece. Starfleet once stood for all that was good and just in the galaxy. Not only that, but Starfleet was also the symbol of humanity that everyone in today’s real world aspired to want to be a part of. Now, it’s nothing more than a mustache-twirling very bad version of M.A.D. from INSPECTOR GADGET. Even down to the, “I’ll take care of Picard” and “You will (vouch for your man with your life).”

Now, we get Commodore O, complete with MEN IN BLACK shades as she goes to see the blonde synth doctor chick at Daystrom… who is a Vulcan… wearing sunglasses… A Vulcan that has inner eyelids to protect their eyes from the sun of their home planet… which is much more intense than our sun… WHY?!!

Like it or not, agree with it or not, Starfleet is a military. Throughout STAR TREK history, we have seen justice performed in a military manner. In his younger years, even in a parallel timeline, a Cadet Kirk was put through an official academic inquiry for “cheating” on the Kobayashi Maru command test. Later, Captain Kirk was the first Starfleet Captain to be put through the court martial process (TOS: “Court Martial”). Twice, I might add (a second time before the Federation Council in ST4: THE VOYAGE HOME). In TNG: “Drumhead,” Ensign Simon Tarsus was put through a formal judiciary inquiry for falsifying his 24th century equivalent of his Affirmative Action information on his Starfleet Academy application. In DS9’s “Rules of Engagement,” Worf had to be put through an official extradition hearing when he opened fire on a Klingon vessel. Tom Paris was put through a judiciary inquiry after breaching the Prime Directive in VOY: “Thirty Days.” Even Michael Burnham went through the entire judiciary process after her mutiny aboard the Shenzhou in STD: “Battle of the Binary Stars.”

Commander Raffi gets a message on her PADD – gets fired.


So one disagreement with wahman Admiral Clayton can get you immediately dismissed from Starfleet without a judiciary inquiry or court martial? “You’re fired,” APPRENTICE Donald Trump style?! Sure, Captain Kirk made quips about firing Scotty, but it wasn’t that simple and it wasn’t in the same context as this.

This is disgraceful and shows that the writers have never seen a single hour of STAR TREK ever in their lives. Not even their own STD.

Starfleet was always about truth and principle. It inspired NASA to go to the moon. The very idea of Starfleet has burned dreams into our minds, to seek out that which seemed unattainable. The idea that a multi-cultural military organization could do and stand for so much good is the driving force behind the fandom’s love for STAR TREK. More so than any Klingon, Vulcan or Romulan ever could. It was always Starfleet.

And now, Alex Kurtzman has turned this beloved armada into a terrorist organization mired in intolerance and evil, simply because “Orange Man Bad.” We have learned that Star Toilet Paper’s main story has been built as a response to Brexit and Trump, with Starfleet and Bruce Maddox being representative of their skewed and definitively wrong view of Trump and Conservatives.

That’s not STAR TREK.

Yes, STAR TREK took on political issues of our times. However, STD didn’t even go down this “rabbit hole,” as Raffi accused Picard of doing in episode three. Instead, STD brought on the mirror universe to give themselves an outlet for their “Orange Man Bad” narrative. Starfleet was supposed to represent the ultimate good, while singular alien races represented facets of ourselves that reflected issues of modern times.

Transgenderism in TNG “The Outcast” and almost all of DS9, represented by the Ja’nai and Trill, respectively.

The horrors of war and making it seem “nice and clean” in TOS “A Taste of Armageddon,” one of my absolute favorite STAR TREK episodes of all time.

Individuality versus collective mentality in the themes of humanity versus the Borg.

Working alongside former blood enemies in all of STAR TREK VOYAGER.

Overcoming terrorism fears to fight a common enemy in all of season three of STAR TREK ENTERPRISE.

These and so much more were done through the guise of showing us a future of what we could be, through the lens of Starfleet.

Those days are over, with Alex Kurtzman and Michael Chabon. These two absolute hacks have destroyed the entire idea and identity of Starfleet, then gave us all the finger, as Doomcock pointed out during a very long Friday Night Frolics live stream on YouTube, when Soji met with Ronda the Romulan and talked about “the power of a collective mythology,” telling us all to go screw ourselves in the process.

This is my last review of any Star Toilet Paper episode as I will no longer be watching it. I will be watching the spoiler reviews from the Fandom Menace from now-on. As I write this, this single episode of Star Toilet Paper has actually made STD look like gold, even though STD 2 was pure feces. I’d rather have a repeat of STD 2 than any more of this garbage that gives fans the finger and destroys everything Gene Roddenberry created Starfleet to mean in STAR TREK.

Kurtzman ST is NOT STAR TREK. It’s not even worthy to be called by its full title under Bad Robot and Secret Hideout. It’s finished and I refuse to continue giving any credence to anything with the STAR TREK label produced by Alex Kurtzman and Sherry Redstone. She is not the savior Midnight’s Edge hoped she would be, as she is a champion of this tripe. This is lifeless, meaningless and absolutely disgusting. I will have no more to do with Star Toilet Paper.

Apologies to Sir Patrick Stewart, but shame on you, sir, for allowing this filth to go on!

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