In an age where we have an incredibly racist, misogynist, fascist radical as President of the United States, hypocrisy coming out of the Oval Office is absolutely no surprise. While (not my) President Donald Trump has been far-right leaning most of his short political career, it’s incredibly satisfying to actually catch Trump in the act of being said hypocrite.
According to a White House aide, on the condition of anonymity, has disclosed to this publication an exclusive email regarding the lies and conspiracies surrounding Trump and his cohorts in the administration. This unnamed source explains, in detail, the lengths to which our “elected” president will go to cover-up the fact that he is playing his supporters like fiddles and they don’t even realize it.
“The [president] has an agenda that [his supporters] will, when they find out, abandon him in droves,” said the email from the source. The aide, who is still under the employ of the President, emphasized their point, saying, “They have no idea he’s a secret liberal.”
When the aide was asked to deliver some documents to the President directly, they explain, that was when they made the shocking discovery.
“The President asked me to come into the bathroom,” they said. “I’m a woman so I thought it was incredibly insulting and typical of him. But, he said that he was urgently waiting for the documents I was told to deliver to him. He had never sexually harassed me in the past, but I was disgusted that he asked me to come into the bathroom with him, while he was doing his ‘dirty work.’
“That was when I found out that he leans to his left when he’s sitting on what he called the ‘Iron Throne.'” The email continues on to throw expletives at Trump but this publication will not reproduce those statements.
What does this all mean? Trump, leaning left on the john, could mean many things, but our own political analysts explain, political alignment has everything to do with how you lean when you squeeze logs out.
“No matter how much you say you’re a conservative or right-leaning,” said our political experts at Tokyo Gaijin Speaks, “if you’re leaning left on the can, you’ve got hypocritical issues you need to deal with. Or, you have a hidden agenda.”
When asked if this should be reported to Special Council Robert Meuller, our experts say, “Now that the case is pretty much closed, we have to wait until the impending impeachment to present this evidence.”
“It’s too bad [our source] couldn’t provide visual evidence of this,” our analyst continued. “Photographic records of this could make the biggest case for impeachment.”
Our one Trump supporter on staff even had to admit it was odd that his “president” would lean left on the can. Unable to come up with an excuse for this behavior, our staff member had since submitted his resignation and said, “I think I’ll go light myself on fire and jump out a window.”
The statement has been reported to local authorities who just simply laughed at the statement. (No comment or update available at this time).
Upon reaching out to our source, as of this date, we have not received comment back from them. We will, of course, continue to monitor this story as it develops.
This story is entirely satire. If you thought this was serious, you are part of the problem of spreading and believing fake news.