On the last episode of GAME OF THRONES, we were treated to an almost two-hour epic battle! The stunning visuals and gripping story had me on the edge of my seat the entire time, and I was thrilled to see that all of my expectations were met…
Who am I kidding? The entire episode consisted of darkness, footfalls and screams, most of which we couldn’t see who was actually dying in the first place. It was so poorly executed it was outright boring! Sure, the zombie apocalypse was put to bed (finally, I hate zombies, actually), but in a piss poor way. I don’t mind Arya killing the Night King, but it could’ve been done in a much more epic fashion.
Last night, the Geeks + Gamers High Council had a six hour live stream arguing the merits and demerits of the episode, with Jeremy, Doomcock and Nerdrotic taking point in leading the charge against this episode. They claimed the story lacked common sense in its execution, and I couldn’t agree more. It was among the most boring two hours of television, most of which I skipped through. I was making a small Lego D-7 Klingon battlecruiser while GoT was playing in the background, and come to find out, I didn’t miss anything. The photography was so dark (at first, I thought it was my computer screen) that all I was listening to were footfalls and screams.
Turns out it wasn’t my computer, after all. The cinematography sucked.
So, Arya comes out of nowhere, WWE style and slays the Night King. He shatters to pieces and it’s the end of the episode. Very anticlimactic. There was an opportunity to make this episode very much worthwhile. Alas, the writers didn’t do it, and wrote themselves into the abyss.
So, what would I have done differently?
For starters, cut the length of this episode. We don’t need two solid hours of death and destruction. 40 minutes would’ve sufficed, if the entire episode was to be a battle.
This is probably not my idea, or I’m not the only one to think of this. This may have been said on the High Council live stream, and if so, I’m not claiming this as my own. I think Anna: That Star Wars Girl may have come up with this and if so, I give her all props for it.
Towards the end, as we saw, once Jon Snow was forced to the ground, he would come face-to-face with the Night King, just as we’ve seen. Dani would’ve tried to melt him down with her dragon, but again, as we saw in the episode, nothing would’ve happened, leaving Jon to deal with the Night King, alone. Instead of casually walking towards him, Jon would charge the enemy, sword out, ready to fight.
This would give the Night King little time to raise anyone to protect him. Of course, a few would rise and get between Jon and the scumbag, but Jon would cut them down with ease, then clash swords with the Night King. The battle that would ensue would be epic beyond words.
Think Obi Wan and Quai Gon vs. Darth Maul from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Only, one-on-one and more epic. Jon would come very close to losing his life in this episode, but Arya would come to the rescue.
(Let me finish before you start throwing around “SJW” and “identity politics” messages down below).
Arya would get her’s handed to her with ease, but not after scoring some severely damaging blows against the Night King. Jon would save Arya by finishing off the Night King, just in the nick of time. As the enemy shatters into millions of pieces, Jon would go into shock from an injury he sustained during battle and collapse on top of Arya.
Now, I understand that one of the major complaints about this was that the Night King and the Whyte Walker story arc over the last eight years was resolved in just 3 of the 6 episodes of this final season. To that I say, good. I was more interested in the political intrigue among the living characters and couldn’t care less about the walking dead story. Zombies were never my thing and not my taste.
Alas, we were delivered this two hour piece of trash and we have to adjust our dead pools. So, who will claim the Iron Throne? Let me get SJW Gaijin out here to give you the what-for…
Well, if you ask me (and you did), Arya will take the Iron Throne. Unfortunately, we found out that she’s straight?! You’ve gotta be kidding me! This show already has almost NO representation at all, so unless there’s some sort of representation, I’m gonna go on a Twitter rant that’ll make the Battle of the Bastards look like an orgy!
Well, there you have it. We’d better agree on SJW Gaijin’s predictions lest we get hit pieces published against us, right?
Fortunately, I don’t give a crap what SJW Gaijin thinks, and needless to say, I totally disagree with HIM. I believe the contenders for the throne are:
Dani – Identity politics will reign supreme here but in this scenario, Jon will bite it (either in battle or by Dani’s own hand) and she’ll put the kill slice into Cerci.
Sansa – Another identity politics candidate, but much like the last scenario, Jon will bite it, and Dani would’ve been dead for at least an entire episode before Sansa takes the throne. With Arya as her hand, Arya will assassinate or execute Cerci in the worst way, taking revenge for the death of their father, Nedard Stark. She will sit on the Iron Throne as her must trusted friend-zone advisor (or husband) Tyrian Lanister stands by her side.
Cerci – One more for identity politics, in this scenario, she wins. One of the heroes gets close, but in the end, everyone loses their heads and Cerci reigns supreme.
Jon (Egan Targarian) Snow – Giving SJWs the finger, tall and proud, in this scenario, I see Arya taking out Cerci. Jon wins an absolute epic battle and power is thrusted upon him as everyone bends the knee. Now, this can go one of two ways. 1: Dani is killed, in which the surviving dragons (if any) go to Jon. Or, 2: Dani bends the knee and allows her love affair with her nephew to continue. Given this series’ careless attitude towards incest, scenario 2 isn’t too far fetched.
We only have 3 more weeks / episodes to see how this plays out. The implications/consequences of last week’s “The Long Night” may end up being the “Long Kiss Goodnight” (a great flick, by the way with Sam Jackson) and become the nail in the coffin that does this series in. Already, season 8 is off to a real horrific start.
What saves this episode from being an absolute dumpster fire?
Star Trek Discovery. If you thought this episode of GoT sucked, go watch this other show then watch GoT again. It makes this episode of GoT absolute gold by comparison.